My Sexy Secret Life

34 Dean Street

Yesterday I visited the very swanky new clinic at 34 Dean Street, Soho for my routine sexual health checks (I do not offer bare back, I just think it’s very good to know that all is well and I know that my clients appreciate it too). I’ve been using the Waldron Centre in New Cross for around the last year or so now however it has become busier and busier and sadly less efficient as a result. It was I felt, time for a change.

I managed to persuade my good fiend Ollie to come with me with promises of cocktails after all was done and dusted so to speak. It took us ages to find the clinic as it didn’t look like one at all… I thought it looked like a tattoo parlor,  Ollie thought it looked like a hair dressers and according to the lovely lady at reception another visitor thought it was a strip club!

Once I had completed a brief computer screen based questionnaire I was given a swab. If I’d just wanted the one swab then I would have been in and out in five minutes but I needed three and this time I had to see a member of staff to get the other two, (I health check everywhere!) a minor hitch which should be fixed next time I visit, I also wanted a blood test.
You do your own swabs in the toilet and then send them up a tube to the lab. There is a video in the toilets demonstrating how to do the self swab tests that Ollie found very amusing. Mostly because instead of using actual peoples bits they use the flesh light versions instead. We both agree that they should be using real porn stars, especially as it is based in Soho.
We went downstairs to wait for my blood test and get the extra swabs I needed. It was quite busy but it was after 5pm, the website recommends that you come before 4pm to avoid long waits. Anyway we waited around an hour playing spot the escort before I was seen (which wasn’t long considering how many people were there) after my tests were all done it was cocktail o’clock. I wanted something thick and creamy… Ollie knew just the place.
Ollie showed me a post by a friend of his on facebook including this sign that she saw in Soho:
It made me smile not least because it is on the door of my old friend Sebastian Horsley’s place. I used to rent his room by the hour to entertain my clients, he used to take it down when they were coming. It was originally put up on the door to stop disgruntled victims of an old soho trick….street girls would take a guys money and disappear down an alley way saying that they were arranging a place to entertain and then disappear with the money. The guys would then bang on every door in the alley way trying to find her, including Sebastian’s.
Alas like many great things about Soho Sebastian is no longer with us but I am sure his memory lives on in the hearts and minds of the many people who knew and loved his wonderful, eccentric, endearing and unique personality as well as exceptional dress sense; some called him the Prince of Soho.
Later we went to an amazing underground restaurant/cocktail bar/cabaret venue just off Piccadilly – all Art Decor and stunningly restored. By the end of dinner I had received my test results (all clear of course!). I am very impressed with 34 Dean Street!


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