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I don’t have Syphilis

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I hope that you’ll be pleased to know that I don’t have Syphilis, or in fact any other STI after having been thoroughly tested at the Waldron Centre in New Cross on Monday; I highly recommend this clinic: as being both very efficient, totally non judgemental and ‘working girl and punter’ friendly, and the team there are also extremely discrete, while I now know practically all of them and they know what I do, they are very careful not to obviously recognise me in the waiting room and they are very keen to attract more sex workers and punters who; I am absolutely sure they will treat with the same respect and care that they treat me with. They are also extremely generous with condoms (and I’m fussy, I only use mates skyns which are expensive!).

The clinic has long opening hours; a walk in clinic catering for both daytimes and evenings and you can get the result for HIV tests in minutes and get your other test results back within 4 to 5 working days, (they arrive via text if everything’s ok) which is much quicker than many of Central London’s Hospital Sexual Health Clinics; where you can often wait up to two or three weeks for the results of all tests.

They also offer full hepatitis b immunisation and hepatitis a immunisation for those who are fond of rimming.

Non blood born STI’s are tested with a ‘do it yourself kit’; which is completely pain less and they’ll tell you how to use it correctly. Long gone are the days of invasive, embarrassing and painful, sexual health testing.

I am seriously impressed and you can guarentee that I’ll be back there in the not too distant future; I take my clients and my own sexual health very seriously; even when you use condoms you can never be too careful!

Anyway… here are the important details:

Waldron Health Centre

Entrance on Amersham Vale SE14 (Opposite New Cross station)

Floor 2, Suite 8

SE14 6LD

Tel: 020 3049 3500

Opening Hours:         Mon-Thurs 11am-7pm,         Fri 11am-5pm

For those of you who don’t know London that well but would like to visit what I view to be the best NHS Sexual Health Clinic in London (and I do have a lot of experience in such things!) New Cross is one stop on the train from London Bridge and the Waldron Centre is a few minutes walk from the station (exit then turn left); it’s a big, brown, modern building which you will see if you sit/stand on the left hand side of the train and look out of the window as you approach New Cross.

I must warn you that on first appearances when arriving on the train, New Cross is not the best of areas (and it isn’t, I’ve lived there in the past!) but you are perfectly safe walking to and from the station in a matter of minutes and you are highly unlikely to bump into anyone you know!

If you do decide to go for your sexual health tests at the Waldron Centre do make sure that you have plenty of time (and a good book!) as like many walk in clinics you may have to wait an hour or so to be seen and while your sexual health records are completely confidential you are also fine to make up details like your name (I do and admit to it too!).  Just make sure that you can re call your  (made up) details for any future visits, they’re unlikely to ask about the sexual history you confessed to in a previous visit however date of birth is another important one to remember!Also, do give them the right phone number so that they can contact you with the results, even if it’s the number for a sim card that you bought for exactly that purpose.

I don’t do and never will offer ‘bare back’, (unprotected vaginal or anal sex) but I do absolutely love giving unprotected oral and swallowing every drop; however I am frequently told by sexual health experts that it is very low risk, (otherwise I wouldn’t do it!) none the less, I do insist on a throat swab now when I go for my tests.

You’ll aways find my latest STI test results and the dates when I took them on my FAQ page and I take STI tests at least every 6 weeks.

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Keeping it in the family…. (or not!!)

I doubt very much that I am the first person to fancy my nearest and dearests siblings; and being bisexual both brothers and sisters hold equal appeal. I remember my very first ‘big loves’ brother almost as fondly as I do him. Over the five years that we spent together my boyfriend and I spent at least 3 years living with him in a shared house.

For the first year of knowing each other my lovers brother’s strong irish accent meant that I was only reading his facial expressions; smiling when he did, laughing when he did and looking thoroughly pissed off, when he did…. what I didn’t know then was that my quiet, well spoken english voice was also completely unintelligable to him.

So for the first twelve months of knowing each other we were just reading each others que’s and smiling and laughing at the same time. However; as crazy as that sounds, I think that made us closer; we could read each other well and did not need to rely on words, we knew each others body language and facial expressions as we’d both tried so hard to understand each other.

In many ways my boyfriends younger brother was actually better suited to me (and I fancied him too), he was just as eccentric and rebellious to convention as I was at that time. I was in my teens then, I have much mellowed over the years and these days I choose to embrace rather than fight life but then again; maybe my choosen vocation is a big ‘fuck you’ to convention anyway.

However my first boyfriend, my first real love was such a positive influence on my life that I will always remember him with a deep and somewhat painful sense of appreciation and love; we haven’t spoken since I was twenty one; I have no idea where he is but he’s still in my dreams at times and I truly hope that he is having a wonderful life; he deserves to.

I have no regrets with regards to our time together because it was wonderful; the end of our relationship released him to find a woman that he could have a family with, which he so dearly wanted and it left me to explore the unusual path in life that I chose and which has ultimately made me happy.

The sub concious however has a strong hold on us; or at least on me anyway. During times of stress I sleep walk and I had a fairly stressful time as a teenager, so I slept walked all the time. After a particularly heavy night out (I was much wilder as a teenager than I could ever hope to be now!) I awoke in what I thought was my boyfriends bed; snuggled up against his familar freckled back.

What I couldn’t understand was why we had chosen to sleep in his brothers bedroom! The alarm went off and I padded over to it naked, turned it off went to the loo and returned to his side. It was only then that I realised that I didn’t recognise his boxer shorts.

I had slept with my boyfriends brother and who knows how long I’d been there! The brother I was lying with had awakened to his alarm clock too and saw me turning it off in the buff; the brother who I loved had snuck in earlier and spotted us together but thankfully knew that I slept walked and had popped his head around the door when he found his bed empty and had seen us lying together!!

Thank god or whatever else you believe in that they both knew that I was a sleep walker! I returned to my boyfriends bedroom and he was awake and absolutely pissing himself at how mortified I was!

I think if I’d met the younger brother first I may have ended up with him and who knows where I’d be now but that wasn’t the way things happened. Strangely enough I never fancied their younger sister; she was a princess who just loved drama; my least favourite traits in a woman.

Move on  a few years later when that relationship was over, I had a big crush on my boss who made no secret of being bi sexual and not much less of a secret that she wanted to bed me… well she did and it was fun but then she got a boyfriend 😦

She invited me out clubbing with her new beau, a few friends and her brother. He was single and as hot as she was so of course we ended up in bed but as he was horribly screwed up by a recent ex which he then got back together with, we drew a line under it.

That same friend (and boss!) had no problem with me sleeping with her brother and in fact wanted me to seduce her mother as well! As she felt that she had secret bisexual urges that she thought I might uncover… however, at that point I felt it was best to leave my family fucking to two siblings.

Move on again and I’m in a very serious relationship; entirely committed to it but also attracted to both the other sister and other brother. On one occasion my boyfriend was sent out for more wine; while his sister taught me to ‘dance’ which I must admit I’m terrible at but she was very, very close to me, rubbing her beautiful body hard against mine, her hips pressed hard against my very wet cunt and her lips were so tantalisingly close I could have kissed them; and I would have had I not cared so much for her brother.

When I split with her brother, I spent a great deal of time with their brother and I would have happily dated him as we were actually a much better love match but of course I didn’t because that would have been wrong and I eventually lost touch with them all, which was a shame because they were fun.

So… as I’m sure you will have realised by now it’s very common for me to fancy my lovers siblings; however on one occasion a sexy young fire man fancied both my sister and I! And; like the good girls who’d always been taught to share our toys, we shared this one particular man together.

I must admit it was an odd, rather than an erotic experience; taking it in turns to ride his cock, not something I’ll ever forget but equally not something I’d ever want to repeat!

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How not to seduce your valentine!

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If I was trying to seduce my friend Dolly this evening, I would have failed miserably. A less romantic night, even on valentines day you’d struggle to find! Our choice of restaurant was not good. Not good at all, although dimly lit and festooned with red balloons the music couldn’t have been more tragic or more cringe worthy, in fact it was a lot like this…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGDrqU7mmuI

The food wasn’t bad but the singing took on a new kind of awful when somewhat worse for wear customers were invited to join in and the volume was turned up so high we couldn’t hear each other speak. Although if I must be honest they were on par with the paid entertainment.

As always it was an absolute pleasure to see Dolly despite the circumstances but we both agreed that this was the perfect place to take a date that you were hoping would go off you but you couldn’t quite face dumping…. especially if you could persuade the entertainment to serenade you! However; if you’re looking to charm rather than dump your lady … here’s a good thing to read: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/sexy_things_to_say_to_her/
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It’s that time of year again….. xxx

Yes, indeed it was my Birthday yesterday; Oooh 33 how did that happen? Well of course, I know how it happened really, but it’s just come around so fast and I haven’t grown up yet, perhaps I should have done by now?

For example; I find this very funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6M7i2mfMlU which is surely a sign of immaturity!?

Although, I would say I am much better in bed than I was in my early twenties now that I’m in my early  thirties (at 33 can I still claim to be early thirties?). Anyway I had a nice time with my nearest and dearest with more celebrations to come; I have also just had my first good seeing to as a 33 year old. Thank you.. you know who you are!

Although I’m actually a Tuesday’s child, I do love this David Bowie video about getting older: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV29uzF_RSg (sorry about the sub titles, I think this video has been officaily pulled but there’s still this copy!) personally I think they were both hot when they were younger but even hotter when they were older!

So now that the somewhat dreaded birthday has been and gone what next does this month have in store? Valentines day…. I’m not a big fan to be honest. However; I have secured a dinner date with one of London’s top naughty ladies; Dollymopp and I’m looking forward to taking sneaky glances at her cleaverage somewhere candlelit and romantic; although being very good friends we won’t be going to bed together, it could spoil things.

Thankfully before our ‘date’ I have a gorgeous toy boy to play with, so as Valentines Days go, I think this one is going to be pretty damn fine. I even got a Valentines Day card (Thanks Mum, I do recognise your hand writing you know… I used to copy it all the time when I was at school, I used it for all the fake sick notes that I created to cover for all the times that I’d found a naughty boy to play with when I should have been studying!). Luckily all my naughty ‘studying’ came in handy in the end!

Anyway… one last thing to say; here’s wishing you a Very Happy Valentines Day XxXxXxXx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKPoHgKcqag

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Window Sex

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I have many perversions and to my great delight, despite being nearly 33, I continue to find new ones! Something I love (and it’s a long running but much enjoyed activity) is having sex pressed against a hotel room window, watching the world go by and being fucked hard and deep from behind.

It’s a treat that I have been promised by the lovely client that I am seeing tomorrow evening (you know who you are – I can’t wait!). However, it’s always advisable to make sure that the hotel windows are actually made from mirrored glass, rather than standard glass which most are; but some aren’t, which I found out to my peril a few years back!

There I was enjoying a vigorous fucking from behind, pressed up against my clients hotel room window with a view of the local police station and several police men! Could I feel more rude!? Well, actually, yes, I could when gradually as the news spread, one, then two, then three police men outside the station looked up and one of them waved… Oooops!!! A very fast retreat was made by myself and my client and thankfully neither of us were charged with public indecency!!!

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The Art of Secret Communication

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My clients well being and discretion is foremost in my mind when communicating about appointments and it varies wildly from person to person. Some prefer text, some prefer phone calls and many prefer emails. However in this day and age when a phone displays not only texts but emails too on their screens it makes things doubly tricky. When and what is the best way to communicate?

I tend to err on the side of caution. I don’t send texts or return calls and I won’t email either if I am warned if this is an issue…. I actually will never call unless I have recieved a very recent text or email saying that it’s ok.

So what should I do when a client calls me several times in one day and I can’t take the calls and I know texts and emails are also potentially problematic? When I know that they are self employed so who knows where they might be half the time!? Truth be told I don’t know! I risk causing offense if I’m not in touch and causing trouble if I am.

This has happened recently …. so ‘G’; I’m really sorry I missed your calls but please do get back in touch; it would be lovely to see you again 🙂