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How not to seduce your valentine!

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If I was trying to seduce my friend Dolly this evening, I would have failed miserably. A less romantic night, even on valentines day you’d struggle to find! Our choice of restaurant was not good. Not good at all, although dimly lit and festooned with red balloons the music couldn’t have been more tragic or more cringe worthy, in fact it was a lot like this…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGDrqU7mmuI

The food wasn’t bad but the singing took on a new kind of awful when somewhat worse for wear customers were invited to join in and the volume was turned up so high we couldn’t hear each other speak. Although if I must be honest they were on par with the paid entertainment.

As always it was an absolute pleasure to see Dolly despite the circumstances but we both agreed that this was the perfect place to take a date that you were hoping would go off you but you couldn’t quite face dumping…. especially if you could persuade the entertainment to serenade you! However; if you’re looking to charm rather than dump your lady … here’s a good thing to read: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/sexy_things_to_say_to_her/
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It’s that time of year again….. xxx

Yes, indeed it was my Birthday yesterday; Oooh 33 how did that happen? Well of course, I know how it happened really, but it’s just come around so fast and I haven’t grown up yet, perhaps I should have done by now?

For example; I find this very funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6M7i2mfMlU which is surely a sign of immaturity!?

Although, I would say I am much better in bed than I was in my early twenties now that I’m in my early  thirties (at 33 can I still claim to be early thirties?). Anyway I had a nice time with my nearest and dearest with more celebrations to come; I have also just had my first good seeing to as a 33 year old. Thank you.. you know who you are!

Although I’m actually a Tuesday’s child, I do love this David Bowie video about getting older: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV29uzF_RSg (sorry about the sub titles, I think this video has been officaily pulled but there’s still this copy!) personally I think they were both hot when they were younger but even hotter when they were older!

So now that the somewhat dreaded birthday has been and gone what next does this month have in store? Valentines day…. I’m not a big fan to be honest. However; I have secured a dinner date with one of London’s top naughty ladies; Dollymopp and I’m looking forward to taking sneaky glances at her cleaverage somewhere candlelit and romantic; although being very good friends we won’t be going to bed together, it could spoil things.

Thankfully before our ‘date’ I have a gorgeous toy boy to play with, so as Valentines Days go, I think this one is going to be pretty damn fine. I even got a Valentines Day card (Thanks Mum, I do recognise your hand writing you know… I used to copy it all the time when I was at school, I used it for all the fake sick notes that I created to cover for all the times that I’d found a naughty boy to play with when I should have been studying!). Luckily all my naughty ‘studying’ came in handy in the end!

Anyway… one last thing to say; here’s wishing you a Very Happy Valentines Day XxXxXxXx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKPoHgKcqag

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Window Sex

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I have many perversions and to my great delight, despite being nearly 33, I continue to find new ones! Something I love (and it’s a long running but much enjoyed activity) is having sex pressed against a hotel room window, watching the world go by and being fucked hard and deep from behind.

It’s a treat that I have been promised by the lovely client that I am seeing tomorrow evening (you know who you are – I can’t wait!). However, it’s always advisable to make sure that the hotel windows are actually made from mirrored glass, rather than standard glass which most are; but some aren’t, which I found out to my peril a few years back!

There I was enjoying a vigorous fucking from behind, pressed up against my clients hotel room window with a view of the local police station and several police men! Could I feel more rude!? Well, actually, yes, I could when gradually as the news spread, one, then two, then three police men outside the station looked up and one of them waved… Oooops!!! A very fast retreat was made by myself and my client and thankfully neither of us were charged with public indecency!!!

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The Art of Secret Communication

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My clients well being and discretion is foremost in my mind when communicating about appointments and it varies wildly from person to person. Some prefer text, some prefer phone calls and many prefer emails. However in this day and age when a phone displays not only texts but emails too on their screens it makes things doubly tricky. When and what is the best way to communicate?

I tend to err on the side of caution. I don’t send texts or return calls and I won’t email either if I am warned if this is an issue…. I actually will never call unless I have recieved a very recent text or email saying that it’s ok.

So what should I do when a client calls me several times in one day and I can’t take the calls and I know texts and emails are also potentially problematic? When I know that they are self employed so who knows where they might be half the time!? Truth be told I don’t know! I risk causing offense if I’m not in touch and causing trouble if I am.

This has happened recently …. so ‘G’; I’m really sorry I missed your calls but please do get back in touch; it would be lovely to see you again 🙂

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My Secret Life

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When I originally discovered that the Independent ran a regular article in their Sunday magazine entitled ‘My Secret Life’ I was enraged and assumed that a journalist had stolen my nickname; further investigation proved that it had been around for far longer than I had, so I have kept quiet until now. However, I thought it might be fun to answer their standard questions…
My parents are… Fairly eccentric, rather like their daughter! My father was delighted by the mad cow disease scare because it drastically brought down the price of beef, we ate a lot of beef! He later stock piled tins of beef to feed his entire family in case of a bird flu epidemic. It was, he said an act of love, to be able to feed his family in troubled times. My mother eventually managed to persuade him to reduce his hoard. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t still have some hidden away somewhere though.
My Mother was rather horrified by blatant sexuality and found and threw away the best erotic porn stash that I have ever owned. I still mourn/miss it!
The household I grew up in… always had a cat, sometimes hamsters and the occasional fair ground goldfish which tended to live for as long as it had taken to win it. Thinking about it in hindsight, I hope they don’t still give away goldfish as prizes it’s rather cruel.
Oh and I had two sisters too, who are both rather lovely and two of my closest friends.
When I was a child I wanted to be…  A Mermaid. (Yes, really!)
You wouldn’t know it but I am very good at… People management, the one thing I really miss about being singularly self employed is recruiting, managing and supporting a team for the greater good.
You may not know it but I’m no good at… Sewing. Thank god for dry cleaners! And my sister, much loved for her button sewing skills!
I wish I had never worn… Shell suits! But it was the 80’s, everybody wore them… until we discovered just how flammable they were! Thankfully I never wore mine on bonfire night.
My favourite item of clothing.. Is my grey satin basque, it is beautiful and I feel beautiful in it.
My house is… very modern and as uncluttered as possible. It’s in a great area of London close to the river and I feel very lucky to live here.
A book that changed me… The Pearl by Anonymous; a very rude book of victorian erotica which shaped my sexuality at the tender age of twelve.
My secret crush… is Jimmy Carr, I was working as a bar assistant during the Edinburgh Festival just before he got really famous. I was bar tending during one of his shows and his frequent jokes about anal sex made me think that we’d get on very well in bed! I made him coffee once… now there’s my claim to fame!
My real-life villains… Are highly judgemental people – they divide our world and cause so much unnecessary suffering. Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up.
The last time I cried… Was when I found out that Father Christmas only cums once a year, it’s very sad….He should come to see me! I bet he’d love my Christmas stockings!
Ok. Very Bad Joke, I’ll stop now!
My five-year plan… I love what I do so I’m hoping to be here in five years time, still doing the same thing, loving life, having fun and sharing it with other people.
What’s the point? I really think that having fun is the key to life and I feel very lucky to be able to share that with others.
My life in six words… Fun, Naughty, Adventurous, Lucky and Well Lived.
A life in brief Charlotte grew up in London in the 1980’s and was highly driven by her sex drive from her very early teens. She lost her virginity to a German tourist in his hotel room in Covent Garden when she was fifteen.
She was disappointed by the act at first but was later seduced by an older neighbour who taught her many filthy things and sent her on a journey of sexual exploration. Thankfully she seduced and later fell in love with an older man at the age of sixteen which kept her out of mischief until she was twenty one.
From there she went on to explore BDSM, group sex and porn before another long term relationship rendered her relatively innocent. When that relationship ended she returned to the adult industry as an independent escort in her late twenties, specialising in the girl friend experience which she enjoyed so much that she gave up her day job in order to give it her full energy and attention; and still very much enjoys to this day.
She has had many other professional roles; previous jobs have included accountancy, project management, various management roles within charities and the NHS and massage therapy… which she still practices; only with a very naughty twist….. 😉
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Any ideas will be gratefully received!

Thank you for all who partook in the last ‘What on earth is this?’ poll, the correct answer was in fact a masturbation aid (for men please see below).

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I’m getting the impression that ‘What on earth is this?’ polls aren’t really that popular so I’m going to stop doing them; however I would really value your ideas for my up coming photo shoot which is on Monday – many apologies for the short deadline!!

I’ll be working with the lady who took this much admired pic:

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We’re looking to re create similar naughty images, I know a lot of you like the secretary look, so there will be plenty of that! We want to create mostly semi clothed, tongue in cheek pictures, things like getting ready for work, pulling up stockings and/or applying lipstick in a skirt, heels and bra and ‘oops I’m accidently flashing my knickers/bra/nipples’, seemingly innocent images but with a naughty twist!

Any ideas for a good picture would be gratefully received either via the comments option at the bottom of this blog or by email (mysexysecretlife@live.co.uk), if you are feeling shy 😉

Many thanks in advance, Charlotte xxxxx

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Taking care of you xxx

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I’m sorry to say that this isn’t a very sexy topic but one which I think you might agree is hugely important. I think that in the back of every man or woman’s mind when considering seeing an escort or after seeing an escort despite using protection, is that little worry that often lurks unmentioned … do you have or will I get a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

I care very much about my clients (and quite possibly their partners too) and want to keep them safe and well. I take STI tests very regularly and you will always find my latest test date and the result in my FAQ section.

Obviously it’s essential to use condoms for penetration, not to in my mind is madness! However, I’m a lady who likes to practice unprotected oral sex and I love to swallow; an activity which my sexual health consultant (who knows what I do) assures me is such minimal risk that I needn’t worry about and neither should you.

However, I’m also always happy to turn your cock into a strawberry flavoured lollipop if you’d rather wear protection, I have special condoms for just this purpose and I won’t be offended if this is your preference so please don’t hesitate to ask! If you’d like to cum on my face after I’ve sucked your covered cock please feel free to – I love it! 🙂

It’s also worth mentioning here, I think, that some people are sensitive to latex (including myself!) so if you think that you are (maybe you have had rashes from condoms or latex gloves in the past?) opting for a non latex condom is a good way of avoiding hard to explain and uncomfortable redness! I would also recommend avoiding condoms which have added chemicals to delay your orgasm as these can quite often be irritants.

If you are worried about your sexual health then I’d like to re assure you that the horrors of days gone by, are now behind us, most clinics will give you a ‘do it your self’ option for non blood related STI’s. So, unless you enjoy professional attention you can swab and go! As I have a fetish for doctors, nurses and speculums, I do my best to get seen to personally! And I also always have a HIV test it’s so clever these days – a tiny prick to the finger, a two minute wait and it’s done, you get the result right away!

I’d recommend avoiding the central london clinics as they always take so bloody long to give you the results (2-3 weeks!) but I do know some good and free ones that will give you the results in a few days by text, The Waldron Centre in New Cross is my own personal favourite.

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Naughty New Year Memories

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So it’s nearly 2013 already! How on earth did that happen!?  It really doesn’t feel like 2000 was that long ago. I remember my then boyfriend (and very first love) and I were determined to mark the occasion by doing something ‘special’ 😉 We’d rented a house and travelled with a group of friends to stay in a very pretty village and were enjoying an extremely wild house party (I was only 19 at the time, I certainly can’t party like I used to!).

As the clock edged closer to midnight there was only one thing on our minds… so we snuck away from the party to find somewhere private with a lock and as the clock struck twelve my boyfriend was thrusting deep and hard into my warm, wet pussy. We returned to the party trying to look as innocent as possible; me with a cunt full of his warm cum gradually seeping through my knickers.

Unfortunately we hadn’t chosen our hide away particularly well – a bathroom above the room that every one else was partying in which had great acoustics… our friends had turned off the music to sing ‘auld lang syne’ and their singing efforts had been accompanied by my enthusiastic moans…. Ooops! Not very clever of us but I’m still very pleased to say that the first thing I experienced at the start of the millennium was a nice hard cock inside me!

Now, when you sing ‘auld lang syne’ this year I do hope that you’ll think of me!  This years New Years for me is going to be much more grown up and sedate and will involve close friends rather than cocks (not that I won’t be thinking of them!) but I’m looking forward to it. I hope that you have a very enjoyable New Years Celebration, whatever you decide to do and that 2013 is very good year for you 🙂 xxxxxx
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Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas xxxx

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Well here it is! Nearly another end to another year and in this Christmas month I have been given some very lovely Christmas kisses (amongst, of course far ruder things!); and I didn’t even get around to buying any mistle toe… cheap joke, I know, I’m sorry but I couldn’t resist it! I also got to see the lovely Amy ‘of Scarborough’ (check my lovely ladies blog page) this week, which is always a pleasure.

This time of year often finds me in a reflective mood and I feel very fortunate to say that 2012 has been a good one for me, I hope that it has been for you too; and if not that 2013 is better.

I’m off for the next little while seeing friends and family to share the festive spirit; but I’ll be back on the 4th of January, looking forward to new naughty adventures 😉

If you fancy meeting up for New Years treats please do email me but don’t be dismayed if it takes me a little while to answer, I will, as soon as I can, I promise.

Thank you to all the wonderful ladies and gentleman who have made this year so special for me xxxx

So that’s me, signing off for Christmas with just one last thing to say….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_m6HrCNJjI

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Christmas Gifts

I’m very pleased to say that I’ve been very organised this year and have almost finished all my Christmas shopping 🙂

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  • White Nylon Stockings – Ordered
  • White 8 Strap Suspender Belt – Ordered
  • White Silky Knickers – Check
  • Pink Satin Bra and Panties – Check
  • New Black and White Satin Basque and Matching Knickers- Ordered
  • Ridiculously High High Heels with an Seat Belt Ankle Strap To Stop Me Falling out Of Them – Still Looking
  • New Dress – Several Purchased and One Ordered
  • Some Naughty New Toys – Several Purchased One Still To Find
  • New Porn – Purchased
  • Favourite Condoms – Purchased

 
Well that’s me practically sorted, now all I need to do is get every body elses!!!! 😦