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Things that Bite and Sting!

lady birdI have been fairly unlucky in my life when it comes to things that bite and sting! And some you might never have known actually do bite!

Off land I have been bitten by a fish (more than once!) while floating about in the sea and I have also been stung a jelly fish, thankfully not the dangerous kind but it still really hurt!

I have been stung by numerous wasps in a variety of situations, getting in to bed, putting on a shoe and in a post office Que to name but a few, at this point I am so used to it that it doesn’t even hurt that much but it’s still something that I try to avoid!

I have been stung by a bee twice; the first time during a shoe less stroll in a park with an ex boyfriend after fucking in some long grass, as bee sting allergies run in my family and having watched the film ‘My Girl’ as a kid (part of the story is about a boy dying from bee stings due to an allergy) I was quite worried it would kill me!
Although obviously I am here now writing this, so you’ll know that it didn’t and I am quite relieved to say, neither did it have any side affects apart from a bemused ex boyfriend who couldn’t really understand what the fuss was about and a sore foot!

I was also stung by a bee on the neck more recently walking down South Bank, thankfully some very kind shop girls pulled the sting out but I did have a lump on my neck for several days afterwards.

I got bitten by a considerable amount of the inhabitants of an ants nest that I sat and wee’d on as a child (learnt my lesson there!) and by red ants in a forest during a photo shoot, that flippin’ hurts I can tell you! I was also bitten on the breast by a lady bird while in the bath and by a spider during another photo shoot.

Of course mosquito’s love me too….and I have also been bitten/stung by a horse fly.

Growing up I was bitten by my friends gerbil, my sisters hamster (terrible pets for children in my opinion) and the family cat (the latter I admit I deserved; cats do not enjoy being dressed up as babies!). An ex boyfriends dog used to bite me too but he had jealously issues that we worked on and once they were resolved that stopped thankfully. I also had a narrow escape from being bitten by a rat (it’s a funny story, ask me if you meet me!).

There are a few things that I have yet to be stung/bitten by of which I am wary. These include dragon flies (pretty but evil); Daddy Long Legs (yes they do sting, really!) and leaf beetles.

I really hope that when it comes to the biters and the stingers in this world that you will never be quite just as unlucky!

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Charlotte the Anal Virginity Slayer

I am immensely grateful that I am one of the extremely lucky few human beings out there who can honestly say that hand on heart, I truly have found my vocation. There is so much I love about being a whore; the self employment,the flexible hours, getting to live in Central London not to mention the sex!! I’m hoping that I never ever have to go back to an office; unless it’s to bend over a desk ūüėČ

While I do love anal sex, one thing I never expected was to be entrusted with the delicate matter of taking so many men’s anal sex virginity! And it’s so very lovely how so many are very concerned about hurting me… Personally I think that anal sex will always hurt me at first but with lube and gentle perseverance it’s definitely worth the effort! (No pain, no gain as they say).

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It is a deep honour for me to bend over and offer my ass hole to my lovely anal virgins, it makes me smile to think of all the gentlemen who have let me be their first and I very much hope that they enjoyed it just as much as I know I did!

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Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world…

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Sorry, I’ve been a bit slack on the blog front of late; I promise to write more soon; in the mean time, I’m going to share with you my most favourite piece of music and film moment ever, it never fails to send shivers down my spine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGWU4QhJ4L8

I hope you like it too…..xxxxxx

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Keeping it in the family…. (or not!!)

I doubt very much that I am the first person to fancy my nearest and dearests siblings; and being bisexual both brothers and sisters hold equal appeal. I remember my very first ‘big loves’ brother almost as fondly as I do him. Over the five years that we spent together my boyfriend and I spent at least 3 years living with him in a shared house.

For the first year of knowing each other my lovers brother’s strong irish accent meant that I was only reading his facial expressions; smiling when he did, laughing when he did and looking thoroughly pissed off, when he did…. what I didn’t know then was that my quiet, well spoken english¬†voice was also completely unintelligable to him.

So for the first twelve months of knowing each other we were just reading each others que’s and smiling and laughing at the same time. However; as crazy as that sounds, I think that made us closer; we could read each other well and did not need to rely on words, we knew each others body language and facial expressions as we’d both tried so hard to understand each other.

In many ways my boyfriends younger brother was actually better suited to me (and I fancied him too), he was just as eccentric and rebellious to convention as I was at that time. I was in my teens then, I have much mellowed over the years and these days I choose to embrace rather than fight life but then again; maybe my choosen vocation is a big ‘fuck you’ to convention anyway.

However my first boyfriend, my first real love was such a positive influence on my life that I will always remember him with a deep and somewhat painful sense of appreciation and love; we haven’t spoken since I was twenty one; I have no idea where he is but he’s still in my dreams at times and I truly hope that he is having a wonderful life; he deserves to.

I have no regrets with regards to our time together because it was wonderful; the end of our relationship released him to find a woman that he could have a family with, which he so dearly wanted and it left me to explore the unusual path in life that I chose and which has ultimately made me happy.

The sub concious however has a strong hold on us; or at least on me anyway. During times of stress I sleep walk and I had a fairly stressful time as a teenager, so I slept walked all the time. After a particularly heavy night out (I was much wilder as a teenager than I could ever hope to be now!) I awoke in what I thought was my boyfriends bed; snuggled up against his familar freckled back.

What I couldn’t understand was why we had chosen to sleep in his brothers bedroom! The alarm went off and I padded over to it naked, turned it off went to the loo and returned to his side. It was only then that I realised that I didn’t recognise his boxer shorts.

I had slept with my boyfriends brother and who knows how long I’d been there! The brother I was lying with had awakened to his alarm clock too and saw me turning it off in the buff; the brother who I loved had snuck in earlier and spotted us together but thankfully knew that I slept walked and had popped his head around the door when he found his bed empty and had seen us lying together!!

Thank god or whatever else you believe in that they both knew that I was a sleep walker! I returned to my boyfriends bedroom and he was awake and absolutely pissing himself at how mortified I was!

I think if I’d met the younger brother first I may have ended up with him and who knows where I’d be now but that wasn’t the way things happened. Strangely enough I never fancied their younger sister; she was a princess who just loved drama; my least favourite traits in a woman.

Move on¬† a few years later when that relationship was over, I had a big crush on my boss who made no secret of being bi sexual and not much less of a secret that she wanted to bed me… well she did and it was fun but then she got a boyfriend ūüė¶

She invited me out clubbing with her new beau, a few friends and her brother. He was single and as hot as she was so of course we ended up in bed but as he was horribly screwed up by a recent ex which he then got back together with, we drew a line under it.

That same friend (and boss!) had no problem with me sleeping with her brother and in fact wanted me to seduce her mother as well! As she felt that she had secret bisexual urges that she thought I might uncover… however, at that point I felt it was best to leave my family fucking to two siblings.

Move on again and I’m in a very serious relationship; entirely committed to it but also attracted to both the other sister and other brother. On one occasion my boyfriend was sent out for more wine; while his sister taught me to ‘dance’ which I must admit I’m terrible at but she was very, very close to me, rubbing her beautiful body hard against mine, her hips pressed hard against my very wet cunt and her lips were so tantalisingly close I could have kissed them; and I would have had I not cared so much for her brother.

When I split with her brother, I spent a great deal of time with their brother and I would have happily dated him as we were actually a much better love match but of course I didn’t because that would have been wrong and I eventually lost touch with them all, which was a shame because they were fun.

So… as I’m sure you will have realised by now it’s very common for me to fancy my lovers siblings; however on one occasion a sexy young fire man fancied both my sister and I! And; like the good girls who’d always been taught to share our toys, we shared this one particular man together.

I must admit it was an odd, rather than an erotic experience; taking it in turns to ride his cock, not something I’ll ever forget but equally not something I’d ever want to repeat!

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How not to seduce your valentine!

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If I was trying to seduce my friend¬†Dolly this evening, I would have failed miserably. A less romantic night, even on valentines day you’d struggle to find! Our choice of restaurant was not good. Not good at all, although dimly lit and festooned with red balloons the music couldn’t have been more tragic or more cringe worthy, in fact it was a lot like this…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGDrqU7mmuI

The food wasn’t bad but the singing took on a new kind of awful when somewhat worse for wear customers were invited to join in and the volume was turned up so high we couldn’t hear each other speak. Although if I must be honest they were on par with the paid entertainment.

As always it was an absolute pleasure to see Dolly despite the circumstances but we both agreed that this was the perfect place to take a date that you were hoping would go off you but you couldn’t quite face dumping…. especially if you could persuade the entertainment to serenade you! However; if you’re looking to¬†charm¬†rather than¬†dump¬†your lady … here’s a good thing to read: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/sexy_things_to_say_to_her/
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My Secret Life

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When I originally discovered that the Independent ran a regular article in their Sunday magazine entitled ‘My Secret Life’ I was enraged and assumed that a journalist had stolen my nickname; further investigation proved that it had been around for far longer than I had, so I have kept quiet until now. However, I thought it might be fun to answer their standard questions…
My parents are… Fairly eccentric, rather like their daughter! My father was delighted by the mad cow disease scare because it drastically brought down the price of beef, we ate a lot of beef! He later stock piled tins of beef to feed his entire family in case of a bird flu epidemic. It was, he said an act of love, to be able to feed his family in troubled times. My mother eventually managed to persuade him to reduce his hoard. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t still have some hidden away somewhere though.
My Mother was rather horrified by blatant sexuality and found and threw away the best erotic porn stash that I have ever owned. I still mourn/miss it!
The household I grew up in… always had a cat, sometimes hamsters and the occasional fair ground goldfish which tended to live for as long as it had taken to win it. Thinking about it in hindsight, I hope they don’t still give away goldfish as prizes it’s rather cruel.
Oh and I had two sisters too, who are both rather lovely and two of my closest friends.
When I was a child I wanted to be…  A Mermaid. (Yes, really!)
You wouldn’t know it but I am very good at‚Ķ People management, the one thing I really miss about being singularly self employed is recruiting, managing and supporting a team for the greater good.
You may not know it but I’m no good at‚Ķ Sewing. Thank god for dry cleaners! And my sister, much loved for her button sewing skills!
I wish I had never worn‚Ķ Shell suits! But it was the 80’s, everybody wore them… until we discovered just how flammable they were! Thankfully I never wore mine¬†on bonfire night.
My favourite item of clothing.. Is my grey satin basque, it is beautiful and I feel beautiful in it.
My house is‚Ķ very modern and as uncluttered as possible. It’s in a great area of London close to the river and I feel very lucky to live here.
A book that changed me… The Pearl by Anonymous; a very rude book of victorian erotica which shaped my sexuality at the tender age of twelve.
My secret crush‚Ķ is Jimmy Carr, I was working as a bar assistant during the Edinburgh Festival just before he got really famous. I was bar tending during one of his shows and his frequent jokes about anal sex made me think that we’d get on very well in bed! I made him coffee once… now there’s my claim to fame!
My real-life villains‚Ķ Are highly judgemental people – they divide our world and cause so much unnecessary suffering. Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up.
The last time I cried‚Ķ Was when I found out that Father Christmas only cums once a year, it’s very sad….He should come to see me! I bet he’d love my Christmas stockings!
Ok. Very Bad Joke, I’ll stop now!
My five-year plan‚Ķ I love what I do so I’m hoping to be here in five years time, still doing the same thing, loving life, having fun and sharing it with other people.
What’s the point? I really think that having fun is the key to life and I feel very lucky to be able to share that with others.
My life in six words… Fun, Naughty, Adventurous, Lucky and Well Lived.
A life in brief Charlotte grew up in London in the 1980’s and was highly driven by her sex drive from her very early teens. She lost her virginity to a German tourist in his hotel room in Covent Garden when she was fifteen.
She was disappointed by the act at first but was later seduced by an older neighbour who taught her many filthy things and sent her on a journey of sexual exploration. Thankfully she seduced and later fell in love with an older man at the age of sixteen which kept her out of mischief until she was twenty one.
From there she went on to explore BDSM, group sex and porn before another long term relationship rendered her relatively innocent. When that relationship ended she returned to the adult industry as an independent escort in her late twenties, specialising in the girl friend experience which she enjoyed so much that she gave up her day job in order to give it her full energy and attention; and still very much enjoys to this day.
She has had many other professional roles; previous jobs have included accountancy, project management, various management roles within charities and the NHS and massage therapy… which she still practices; only with a very naughty twist….. ūüėČ